To Good Health

Today I am grateful for something that I used to take for granted: my health. My health is something I have come to appreciate very much over the past 4 years and thank God for everyday.

I started understanding that my health wasn't a guarantee when Ryan began seeing patients as a 3rd year medical student. He would come home from the hospital and tell me about the many ill patients he saw that day, and sometimes about those who had lost their battle.

That same year I met my friend Ann at work. Ann was an incredibly generous and courageous person. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in her 30s, was now in her late forties, and had been fighting the disease for many years. Ann still came to work, took care of her son, and was a friend to me, despite undergoing many different kinds of chemo and radiation. The first time I met Ann, she was in remission, but a few months later, the cancer reared its ugly head again and had metastasized to her liver. We were all crushed, including Ann, but we took our lead from her and kept on going.

Chemo is absolutely terrible, it basically kills you without actually killing you.  That's what Ann dealt with every day, while giving 100% to her work and to her son. We all did our best to keep her spirits up, as well as one another's. We were like Jenga pieces, if we all stayed strong the tower would hold, but if one of us fell the whole tower would come crashing down. I remember the day Ann told me the cancer had spread to her brain. We were standing in the hallway and she said to me, "I'm not ready to die." And me, being very naive said, "don't worry Ann, God won't take you until you are ready." She smiled and said, "I hope you're right," but of course I was wrong.

I saw Ann for the last time on her 50th birthday when a group of us went over to her house to celebrate. All of us had little gifts for her. I gave her a pretty bracelet because jewelry was one of her favorite things. She was very tired and weak, but she was also sitting up and talking so I didn't think she would be leaving us yet. Ryan had tried to prepare me for her death, tried to keep me grounded and realistic, but I was shocked and heartbroken when she died a week later. Ann was the first person I loved who died, at least in my adult life. I struggled through the stages of grief with Ryan by my side.

That year was the first time I truly understood that life is fleeting. Now that Ryan is a neurosurgery resident, that message is reinforced every single day because he sees death every single day.  He tells me his patients' stories every night at dinner, and we are reminded about the fragility of life time and time again.  Although its incredibly sad it reminds us that we are alive, are blessed with good health, and have healthy family and friends, which is yet another thing to be happy about.